|Sacred Transformation 8/5/09|
I decided to do wordmongering this morning because someone asked if I would meet them early to write before work. I have been mostly editmongering this month and this morning I opened up 750words.com for the session. I discovered the last time I had been in there was the first of August. How dreadful that the only time I was in 750words.com was the first day and the last day of August. Part of the reason I had stopped using it was that it kept having problems. Hopefully things have evened out for them and it will continue to work fine.
I discovered that I have missed it a great deal and how helpful it is for me to do, at minimum, my morning pages in it. It really helps me to clear my mind and discover what wants to come onto the page. I usually have some form of insight or inspiration that flows onto the page during my regular morning writings.
I find that I am still trying to discover my writing voice, or maybe I have and I just think I haven’t. I wish I was funnier. Often times I think I am then my daughter will look at me and say, “No mom, still not funny.” Sad but true. I would like to do another experiment, and try to be funnier. I am not sure what that would look like but I want to try. Yes I do like experiments. I like to find out what I am capable of and how far I can dive into my abilities.
I haven't posted in a couple of weeks. I read something recently regarding blog posting that I found interesting. I read that when you only post once a week you feel like you have to get it just right but when you post every day you aren't inclined to feel that way. I think that is how I have been feeling, like I didn't have much to say or couldn't think of anything even close to brilliant to say and kept putting it off. I can't help but compare this to my writing in my books and when I am avoiding the page altogether. I can see how that perfectionist bug has reared its head again. Mostly I get to a point that I think I have it under control and then I find myself avoiding the page again. It is rather irritating to discover that I am still struggling with it.
I can't believe it is about to be September. I am running out of time to get published this year. I am going to set a deadline for myself for the end of next week to have my part of this Manuscript done, to have it leave my hands and send it off to Beta readers by Saturday of next week. If I don't I will never make my deadline of being published this year and that is just unacceptable. So from now until next Saturday I am going to live, eat, sleep my manuscript until it is complete. I think it is because it is so close to being done that I freaked out. What if it isn't any good? What if no one wants to read it? What if they read it and think it stinks? I guess it just doesn't matter. Not really.
This is what I have wanted since I was eight years old. It is past time that I completed my books and birth them out into the world. They will never be perfect, babies never are and this book is my baby. I have been worried about what others will think of it. I had lost track that, that isn't the most important thing right now. What is important is finishing it. Getting it done, letting go of it, then beginning my next manuscript or rather continuing on my next manuscript since I have quite a few now. So many that I have started, so many that I need to finish. Maybe some will never be more than ideas written on a page, but I will finish the ones that are important to me.
I am looking forward to handing off this manuscript so that I can begin on another. I am actually kind of getting tired of focusing so much energy on this one. I want to be done with it. I have to be careful that I don't begin to get sloppy because I am rushing to the finish line. Do you ever do that, start to get sloppy toward the end? If you do what have you done about it to make sure the end of the book is as good as the beginning? I know that when I have read books I can feel it when a writer was tired of working with the book and rushed the ending.
I began working on Mandalas again this week. I have found they are great for transforming emotional crap and bringing peace to my mind. I hung my favorite one up over my writing station (the picture above).
Row80 Check In:
- I am determined to complete, Write to the Finish Line by the end of next week.
- I am going to make sure I take time for my other creative outlets such as coloring mandalas to keep my sanity and peace of mind.
- Write my morning pages in 750words.com everyday.
- Work on posting on my blog more often if not every day. Not sure about this one but I will play with it and see how it feels. If I can find a way to make it fun then I will. I am not going to add the stress of forcing myself to post everyday unless it feels good.
That is it for now. I know I am way off in my timing for checking in but I didn't want another week to go by without it. Please visit the other Rowers and share word love in the comment section.
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