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Thursday, April 14, 2011

Changing Your Name--Why I Changed Mine

My mother named me after my Great Aunt and her son, my cousin.  Most of my life I thought my name was alright but I didn't love it.  Growing up I was a frightened and shy child that practically screamed out of her pores VICTIM which carried over into my young adulthood. 

Something inside of me kept tap tap tapping to come out.  Small assertions began to happen. Slowly I began to stand up for myself and assert my right to be and take up space.

Interestingly enough it was my spirituality, or rather the changing of it, that began my journey of deciding to change my name.  I was in a wicca class and the discussion was choosing a circle name.  I was intrigued.  I looked at Tree Names because I loved trees.  When I came upon Willow and read the description, I knew this was my circle name. A Willow bends but doesn't break.  I liked that.  I wanted to be like the Willow, to be able to bend with the wind but not break. 

I was twenty-six years old and didn't even truly realize how weak or how strong I really was.  I was strong in standing up for my girls.  I was definitely a real Mama Bear but for myself not so much. Or when I did it would come out so aggressively that people just attributed it to PMS, which I did have a severe case of back then. 

Fast forward to Thirty-two, I was fed up with my partner at the time telling me what I could and couldn't do. He wasn't my father after all. He didn't have a right to tell me that I couldn't do whatever it was that I wanted to do.

My spirituality had helped me believe in myself and started me on a discovery journey of who I really was/am.  When I left him I realized that I no longer wanted to date men. I didn't hate them or anything, I just didn't understand them.  I never read the book Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus but I could definitely believe it especially then.

Meanwhile my Great Aunt and cousin were suppose to be taking care of my Great Grandmother and proceeded to drain her of her financial worth, which was around four million when my Great Grandfather passed in 1979/1980, to being in debt when she passed in the late nineties.  Yeah... not good.  I really didn't want to carry around their names and the energy of that.

I began to seriously consider changing my name.  I also felt I was a different person. I was stronger, a lesbian, my girls had both moved out of the house, and I was leading women's circles and events that empowered me as well as them.  I most definitely didn't feel like the same person.

I went on another name hunt.  It had to be a strong name.  I wanted it to have qualities that if I didn't have them yet I wanted them.  Names that symbolized strength, courage, and independence. I was immediately drawn to Morgana/Morgan Le Fay.  She was strong and magical. Hmmm... I liked it very much but I kept looking.  I wanted to make sure that I chose just the right name for me.  I also knew that I wanted to change my last name.  Though it wasn't connected to my Great Aunt and cousins I really didn't want to be attached to my name from childhood any longer.  I felt I had grown and was still growing into a different person.  That was another lifetime and this lifetime I get to choose what I am to be called.

I still liked Willow but I felt it was too soft of a name.  I wanted a stronger, almost warrior type name but I didn't want to completely get rid of Willow.  I saw myself as leading women to find their own inner strength and power, that I needed a really strong name to do my life's work. Though I still see myself as helping women to find their inner power, my true purpose is to help all that are drawn to what I do. That is another story in and of itself.

I was born in the year of the Dragon.  I loved Dragons and I have two Dragon tatoos.  I started playing around with combining Willow and Dragon.  WillowDragon, DragonWillow, Morgan D. Willows.  As you can see there were multiple combinations.  Taking on Dragon as part of my name was definitely going to tell people something about me as soon as I said my name and, depending on the person, what that something was could be good, bad or indifferent.

I had come back to Morgana/Morgan and decided that Morgana just sounded too formal for me.  I really liked Morgan.  I made a decision on Morgan Dragonwillow.  I like how it flows. 

That is how I came up with my name and why I chose it.  That was in 2000/2001. 

If you are thinking of changing your name because you don't resonate with the energy of your birth name, I highly reccomend that you really take the time to research names and their meanings.  Ask yourself many questions on the reasons you want to change your name and the qualities you wish to bring into your life.  And don't forget to do the numerology of the name. 

Mine is a five which is all about change.  Last year I thought I needed to add a middle name because I realized how much change I had gone through since changing my name.  I then discovered my true purpose was really all about change/transformation and working with Shadow. My numerology for my new name was actually quite perfect.

Much love to you on your journey.
Morgan

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