Tonight I ache
For a teenager,
Almost a child still
Lost in the dark recesses of the soul
Certain that life is worthless,
Convinced that they're a burden
On everyone around them
"Please don't tell my parents,
I don't want them to worry!"
I ache for that child,
Who feels the world crumbling
From under their feet;
For whom, suddenly,
Life is complicated
When, a mere few years ago,
It used to be so simple
I ache for that child
Not smart enough,
Not good enough,
Not beautiful enough,
Who hates so much of themselves
That they take it out on their body
With a slash here
With no food there
Sleep is overrated, really!
I ache even more,
Because that child,
Lost in the dark recesses of the soul,
I went completely off prompt (at least for now, we'll see how I feel after a few hours more sleep), even though I love dancing.
Yesterday, I tried to support my teen on the way to supporting a friend who is struggling, has been sruggling, with mental illness over the past year or so, but has suddenly taken a turn for the worse.
Tonight was the night they (child, family, doctors) decided for a hospitalisation. I am very proud of my own teen, who acted as a best friend and active support system, without judgement, but knowing when to ask for help when it got too complicated for a young soul to handle alone.
I am very proud of my child for the way they handled the problem, for being there for a friend in need. I know the ex will probably not feel the same way, and I'm not sure he'll ever know what really happened, but... I'm glad my child is open enough to feel safe around me, know that I would always support a struggling child (Mom, can my friend sleep at ours tonight? It's that or the street...).
It's been a complicated day. I'm pretty sure if I were to write a book of all the things that happened in my life over the past year or so, nobody would believe it's not over-exaggerated fiction!
These are the words that needed to come out last night; because I remember, as a teen, the day I first felt why people would commit suicide. I voiced it out loud, and no adult around me even registered what I'd said!