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Thursday, October 12, 2017

Epiphany

Reading the news this morning
I was brought back to thinking
About when your dad pushed me,
Or I had a D&C.
It was still hard to accept
That it was more than neglect
Leading him to do these things;
The voice inside still saying,
"Don't exaggerate, Mommy
You react like a banshee;
He didn't mean to hurt you
You're behaving like a fool."
Why's it always easier
To argue as an observer
Than as myself to do it
(those times I simply lose my wit)?
Finally, I found my voice:
"The one who made the wrong choice
Was not me, t'was your father.
What would you  call a mother
Who drops her child from a high-rise,
Yet when he's hurt, averts her eyes?"
"Didn't mean to harm you, Son,
Your claim is clearly overdone!
How could I have ever known?
Always thought you would have flown."
Bottom line in all this is
We need support for challenges.
It's all quite simple really
If you love them, think safety:
Can you help them if they flail?
Make sure they're not set to fail.
If you push and can't help them
You're the one with mental problems.
***
Completely off prompt. Today's was an interesting prompt, but I've been way too busy. I'll try to write about it soon, but for now, I dumped some words, some recognition about me and my life. 
It all came about because I was reading about how many more women die at the hand of their male partner than the other way round (and most women who do kill a partner is because he was attacking them). For those who want numbers, it's about 10 times more.
It led me to reading articles about abuse, which led me to think about my own experience. And finally, the explanation as to why what he did was physical violence, not just an accident, came to me, while I heard my child's voice in my head, and I tried to explain to them why it was violence and not an accident.


3 comments:

  1. you are brave for sharing. reflection of old hurts with new eyes is a way of healing for me. maybe for you also...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, it has been a way for me to grow and heal for the past 4 years almost.

      It's funny how I can find the words when I imagine trying to convince my children but struggle to find them to convince myself, to shut that small voice inside telling me that I am blowing things out of proportion.

      Thank you for reading and commenting!

      Delete

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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