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Saturday, October 21, 2017

Don't be like him

Please, 
You're scaring me
I feel paralysed when you get angry
At me
At your siblings
At time passing by
Please,
Don't yell at me
Don't use that scornful voice
That makes me feel 
About as big as a mouse
Please,
Don't tell me I should be
More like your dad
Don't tell me I should be 
Stricter with my children
Yelling louder
On top of them all the time
Can't you see I couldn't?
The mere thought abhorrent?
I am tired
Of having to fight him
Day in and day out
Fight the mood he set
The divisive mindset
He instills in our children. 
I'm getting free of him,
His influence,
But my biggest worry
Is seeing him
In the insidious ways
With which he shapes you.
Please,
Don't be like him
You're scaring me. 
***
We are supposed to leave for my Mom's. I can't finish getting ready. I'm paralysed at the atmosphere surrounding me, at how my eldest is yelling at the youngest, telling me "Don't you see they're stalling? You need to be stricter with them Mom. Dad tells us what to do and is on our backs until we've finished doing it. HE knows how to get things moving."
Those are things I can't hear. I mean, their dad is the same person who prefers going on holidays than paying for his children's healthcare, says doctors only want to keep their clients, that's why they aren't telling the youngest the truth on how to heal the fastest. 
Sorry. You don't need all the background. I guess I just need to let it out. 
But writing helped. Even if it's not the theme nor the form, it's where words led me this morning. 
I'm working on an abecederian too. Had started before the crisis. Maybe later today?

5 comments:

  1. Dawn, yes. A poet/writer needs to get the words out. Thank you for trusting us with your thoughts, your feelings, your reality. Take care. xoA

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Annis.
      It helped.
      I even finished the abecederian.
      XO

      Delete
  2. Sounds tense and complicated. Glad you were able to put it on paper.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was very tense indeed!
      I had to retreat to my bed for a while. I had to find a way to let it out before I could settle down.
      Thank you xx

      Delete

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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